Monday, 30 April 2012

Applying for a job

I have a job, a casual job which fits quite well into the lifestyle I want to lead. I love the work but the timing is often tricky.Do you sometimes get caught up in wishing for something different or more or possibly better? 

Sometimes however, I think I would like a full time job where I know exactly what time I will start and what time I will finish. I have been researching how to get that better job.

Sometimes I do not want to be making so many hard decisions. Or maybe different decisions.

Sometimes I want a better income. A more predictable income. maybe more income would lead to a new lounge suite, a really beautiful one. Perhaps a new line of work would help achieve that.

Of course the negative side is that I would not be able to do some of the things I really enjoy. Once again the mending and sewing would take a step back. The knitting would disappear into that same abyss. Singing might fall into that category, or at least go back to a lower level of intensity. Studying would be more difficult again.

Friday, 27 April 2012

Tiwi Life

You will like this.
You can see some of the ladies that sang with us at the Darwin Amphitheatre last July.
Watch to the end and see the really old recordings too.

Monday, 23 April 2012


This is 97, aka USS Halsey.
Two Sea Hawk helicopters are on board.
It is very pretty in the city here and we go for walks before the day gets too hot. It was a bit more interesting than usually this morning.

Today we watched the USS Halsey come into port and tie up. It is rather big.

Oddly enough it was not flying the US flag and is not identified by a name on the side. It just has a big 97 painted on it.

As they steamed along we could see the crew standing on the deck. Some were in their whites, probably officers or one class of crew. They were standing at ease and looked very formal. The others were in dark blue, maybe overalls, and seemed to be working and moving about.

The Halsey is an Arleigh Burke class guided missile destroyer, that was commissioned in 2005. She has a rather unfortunate history involving two deaths on board and two fires.

She weighs 9 300 tons and is 155.30 m long. Her top speed is just over 30 knots. On board are 385 officers and men. Also on board are two Sea Hawk helicopters.

Some of the crew.
They have just come to Darwin from exercises with the Indian Navy near Malabar.

Luckily for all the crew they will be here for ANZAC Day on Wednesday.

Sunday, 22 April 2012


Usually we do not go to entertainments or dinners at night. I am very much a homebody. Recently though we have been out almost every weekend. There was a Palm Sunday concert which my husband dutifully attended because I was in the choir. We went to see Rhonda Burchmore do a solo show. We went to a concert by the Darwin Symphony orchestra. And last night we went to the ballet. I go out at least one night a week for rehearsals with my choir. And lately one of my students has scheduled tutoring for evenings. My teleconferences that are part of my studies are always at night, although I do them at home locked away in a quiet room. I am shocked that things have gone this way.

Duprada Dance Company
The ballet last night was lovely. The Duprada Dance Company performed Sleeping Beauty. The sets were beautiful and the costumes were outstanding. The costumes were hired from the Australian Ballet, and I am guessing that is where the scenery came from as well. Duprada is one of the largest semi-professional dance companies in Australia.  Some of the Duprada dancers are members of the Australian Ballet, former and present, while others are not yet so accomplished and recognised. The daughter of one of my friends toured Singapore with Duprada a few years ago and really enjoyed the master classes held there.

These costumes were worn.

I really enjoyed seeing the mix of talents on stage last night - the fumbling were there on stage with the professionals. Fat, thin, young, mature, male, female, tall, short and all skin colours dancing together for their pleasure and ours. It all seemed so personal.

Carabosse the Bad Fairy wore a costume like this.
Red feathers were at the hem. Spectacular!
No headress.

I love watching classical ballet. Like many children I had lessons as a child and performed in concerts. There were exams. Unfortunately I have absolutely no talent in this area and the teaching methods did not inspire me either.

The good fairies wore copies of these costumes.
I have tried jazz ballet, ballroom and folk dancing. I love doing folk dances. I enjoy watching dancing from other countries, both folk and classical styles. I get a thrill out of teaching folk dances to children too.

Both our children learned ballet. I really think a person learns a lot more than how to dance when they learn ballet.

Friday, 20 April 2012

Dollar Day

Today was dollar day. 
What is that? 

The local Anglicare Op Shops have one or two days a month when all the clothes are one dollar each. Not blankets, sheets, or books. Just clothes.

It is a great opportunity to grab gardening or painting shirts. Sometimes you find a real treasure that other people have overlooked.

Of course the whole point of the op shops is to make sales so the money can be used in the way that charity wants. Dollar day gets those crowds through the door.

Thursday, 19 April 2012

Modern Goldilocks

Here is a far more accurate account of the Goldilocks story. And more modern.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his bowl. It is empty."Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen. 
She yells,"How many times do I have to go through this with you?
                   It was Mummy Bear who got up first. 
                   It was Mummy Bear who brought in the newspaper.
                   It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher and put everything away.
                   It was Mummy Bear who put out the bin for garbage day.
                   It was Mummy Bear who walked the dog.
                   It was Mummy Bear who cleaned the cat's litter tray.
                   It was Mummy Bear who emptied the leaf litter basket in the pool.
                   It was Mummy Bear who set the table.
                   It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
                   It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

                   And now that you have decided to drag your sorry old selves out here and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I am only going to say it once this morning...........
I haven't made the porridge yet!!!"

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Fur coats

I know that we must not kill animals for their fur. They do not deserve to die just for that. They are living beings just like us. And I know that animal cruelty is also wrong.
Now I am wondering if these film clips are examples of animal cruelty.
 Does something wrong happen here? 
Why does this work?
Why do I find these clips amusing?

Monday, 16 April 2012

Downsizing or loving the treasures of a lifetime

Some of my friends, and many bloggers too, are caught up in decluttering. Downsizing. Not quite minimalism, but heading in that direction.

  • Yes, I agree that hoarding can get out of hand. 
  • Yes, I want to see my treasures but I also want them to be safe.
  • Yes, my children do not understand why some of my belongings are incredibly valuable to me.
  • Yes, I agree that when moving house time comes along the new home does not accommodate all possessions in a comfortable way. 
  • Yes, storage can be a problem. 
  • Yes, dusting and cleaning and maintenance can be major issues.

No, I do not want to get rid of things I love. 
I have spent a lifetime collecting these beautiful things. 
These treasures are not me, but they are about my life and why I live it.

They whisper to me. They soothe my soul. Just to see them stirs memories and dreams. The colours, the shapes, the textures, the shadows, the smells are all signs of my personality. They are the parts of me that another person can detect sometimes, but never touch.

I get immediate and lasting pleasure from having these wonderful things around me.

Each special thing I own tells me a story. The degrees that separate us are lessened. International borders are crossed. Philosophies of life are blended. Time fades into nothing.

Of course I could live without beautiful objects. But why?

The day will come when I can not see and that might be the time to give away or sell my paintings.
Dementia could rob me of my memories and that might be the time to dispose of other lovely items.

Of course I am not going to post photos of all my wonderful collections here on my blog. You would get little pleasure from the collection of cooking spices unless you smelled them. I am proud of my collection of hand embroidered house linens, but they are not worth stealing. The rock collection means something to me because of the places where the rocks were collected and who I was with at the time. The cooking knives remind me of my father each and every time I use one.

My collections are not necessarily valuable in monetary terms. Some things are inherited. Some are made by family members. Some are purchased new, some second hand. Some are useful, and some are used regularly. Life is much more pleasant if connected to meaning and memories.

But I am posting a few photos of these visually lovely things.
I am not saying which are mine and which are not.

But these pictures also give me great pleasure.
I hope they bring something to you.

How do the minimalists breathe? When will the decluttering cease? Will the coffin be deemed unnecessary too?

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Pashka, another Easter cooking treat

This weekend is Orthodox Easter.

Pashka is another delicious Easter food - well actually it can be eaten at any time, but it goes well with the Kulich. Typically is it blessed by the priest along with the Kulich, and later eaten on slices of Kulich for breaking the fast each morning. Pashka is rather like cheesecake filling and rather like that fruit cheese you buy in the supermarket. Recipes vary, family to family.

Makes about 2 1/2 cups.

            300g cottage cheese (See the note at the end about alternatives.)
            75g butter
            1/2 cup sugar
            2 egg yolks
            150ml whipping cream

Flavourings - Add as many or as few as you like.
             2 vanilla beans
This photo illustrates the wooden mould
but does not show how the mould is used with the cheesecloth.
             4 cardamom pods
             50g sultanas
             50g raisins
             50g crystallised ginger
             50g glace fruit
             50g chopped nuts
             1 Tablespoon Amaretto
             zest of a lemon
             zest of an orange

 Prepare the mould

The traditional mould is wooden, but a clean terracotta flower pot is a good substitute.
If using something else it must have good drainage.
A colander works quite well.
Line your mould neatly with damp cheesecloth or similar.
Place a dish under the mould to catch the liquid that drains out of the pashka.

  1. Beat the butter and sugar until pale.
  2. Add the egg yolks one at a time, beating until well combined.
  3. Add the flavourings.
  4. Add the cheese.
  5. Combine very well.
  6. Whip the cream and then fold it through the cheese mixture.
  7. Fill the mould with the cheese mixture.
  8. Wrap the excess cloth over the top. The pashka must be completely covered.
  9. Refrigerate for at least one day and preferably three days. It will be firm to the touch when it is ready.
  10. Open the cloth over the top. Place a plate on top. Flip the mould over. 
  11. Remove the cheesecloth gently.
  12. Serve with slices of Kulich.

The cheese could be farmers cheese, cream cheese, fresh curd cheese, tvorog, ricotta, or cottage cheese. Use what you can find.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Sunday is Thingyan, the Burmese water Festival. Yes we celebrate this right here in Darwin. These photos were taken last year.

Thingyan is a Bhuddist festival celebrated over four days usually, but here only one day is emphasised. At the end it will be the New Year. Originally the dates were calculated by the traditional lunisolar calendar but nowadays the dates are fixed at 13 - 16 April. Sometimes this coincides with Easter. Somehow this tells us why the festivities are enjoyed so much. Water throwing is a major feature of the festival, hence the English name.

This photo is from several years ago and is from Myanmar. You can see it is a National Geographic piece.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Easter recipe for the file

Yes, I sometimes get a bit carried away. While others are deleting clothes and objects from their lives I am acquiring more and more. Not actually hoarding but collecting. Where does one stop and the other begin?
I have not yet tried this Easter treat but it looks so good that I am collecting the recipe. Next year I shall have the most delicious array of Easter foods in the city.

Russian Easter Bread

Kulich is a sweet Easter bread and a part of the Russian Orthodox Easter tradition. It is similar to the Italian panattone. Traditionally the Kulich, along with coloured hard boiled eggs, is blessed by the priest before the Easter mass. It is then eaten as the first food of the day for the week following Easter.

Bake this in cans you already have.
The Kulich is baked in tall cans, such as coffee cans or tomato cans. After baking it is decorated with a basic glaze and sometimes a candle is put in the top. This bread lasts well in the freezer.

Makes 2 x 1kg coffee tins or 4 x 400g tomato tins.

1/3 cup sultanas (some cooks use mixed fruit)
2 Tablespoons vodka

1 cup milk
a few saffron threads
2 teaspoons dry yeast (or 1 sachet)
1/2 cup caster suagar
60g butter
3 Tablespoons honey
zest of 1 lemon or orange
500g plain flour (allow a little extra for kneading)
2 eggs, beaten

Allow the sultanas to soak in the vodka overnight.

  1. Heat the milk to lukewarm. Add the saffron threads, yeast and 2 teaspoons of the sugar. Leave this mixture to foam for about 15 minutes.
  2. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Add the honey and lemon zest. Allow to cool slightly.
  3. Combine the flour and the remaining sugar.
  4. Pour in the yeast mixture, butter mixture, sultanas and eggs.
  5. Mix to combine. This will be a sticky dough, but quite elastic.
  6. Knead until smooth, using extra flour.
  7. Place dough in an oiled bowl and cover with cling wrap.
  8. Leave in a warm place until doubled in size. This will take several hours.
  9. Line the cans for cooking. Use baking paper; otherwise, use lots of oil to grease the tins.
  10. Remove the dough from the bowl and knead for a few minutes.
  11. Divide the dough into portions and make into balls. Place one in each can. It will make the tin about 1/3 full.
  12. Preheat the oven to 170 degrees Celsius.
  13. Cover the tins and allow the dough to rise again. When they are about 3/4 full they are ready for the oven. To speed the process place the tins on top of the stove or in the sun (covered well).
  14. Bake for 30 minutes or until cooked.
  15. Leave to cool in the tins for about 10 minutes then tap out. Place on rack to cool so the air circulates.
  16. Decorate with a glaze made from icing sugar and lemon juice.
  17. Some families decorate with lemon peel, cashous, sugar decorations, and candles.

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Wet washing hanging on the line

Do you remember that children's song?
                                   Wet washing hanging on the line
                                   Drying very quickly when the weather's fine.
This morning I was sent an email from someone suggesting that the new revolutionary home-owner might like to try hanging their washing outside on a clothesline. Yeh, right. What kind of dill does not do this except in emergencies?

Well, in some places it rains lots, like in Mareeba. In some places there is snow and ice for months on end, like in Nome. In some places people live in boxy apartments and flats with no outside spaces for drying the laundry.

We dry our clothes on small racks on our verandah. In our old house we hung the clothes under the house. Before that we used a rotary clothes hoist out in the sunshine.

And so I had a lookabout for film clips about hanging washing on the line. Do it wrong and the drying takes ages or the clothes turn out wrinkly. We did have a house guest once who managed to make the towels turn into crinkly potato chips with glass shards - or that was how it felt and looked.

And this is the result of my enquiries. I had no idea it cost so much to use a clothes dryer at home. They are so small and take so long that we only ever use ours in emergencies. Electricity here is more expensive than in other regions of Australia.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Easter traditions

The internet is such a wonderful source of information. And blogs spread customs and culture in a way nothing else can. I am learning such a lot about different ways of doing things. And so I found out about Swiss Easter rice tarts. I made one yesterday, a bit late I know but it is still the Easter season. And now I have the file for future years.

Swiss Easter Rice Tart
Also known as "Osterkuchen", Gateau de Paques", and "Torta de Riso".
Makes a 25 cm tart.

These rice tarts are eaten throughout the northern part of Italy and in Switzerland with slight regional variations. The Italian version is rather like a sweet risotto and contains ricotta and cream, but the Swiss version is lighter and smoother textured. This is a Swiss recipe.

Ingredients for the pastry

2 cups plain flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
150g butter
1 Tablespoon water

Ingredients for the filling

The bunny stencil is a traditional feature.
1/2 cup Arborio rice
3 cups milk
30g butter
1 cup sugar
pinch salt
zest of 1 large lemon
1/2 cup almond meal
1 Tablespoon plain flour
3 eggs
icing sugar for dusting the top

Method for the pastry

  1. Soften the butter but do not melt.
  2. Add the dry ingredients and combine well with a spoon.
  3. Carefully add the water.
  4. Knead.
  5. Chill thoroughly.
  6. Line a large flan, quiche or pie plate with the raw pastry. Set aside. This is not a small tart.

Method for the filling

  1. Into a saucepan place the rice, milk, butter, sugar, and salt.
  2. Bring to the boil.
  3. Simmer until the mixture has thickened almost to the consistency of a risotto. This will take about 35 - 40 minutes. (At this point you could place the rice mixture in the fridge to cool overnight.)
  4. Place the saucepan in a large container of cold water for 10 minutes to cool.
  5. Puree thoroughly.
  6. Add the lemon zest.
  7. Whisk in the eggs one at a time.
  8. Add the almond meal and the spoonful of plain flour.
  9. Combine until the mixture is smooth and creamy.
  10. Place the oven rack at the lowest position and preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius.
  11. Pour the filling into the pasty.
  12. Bake for approximately 50 minutes. The filling will puff up high before the cooking is finished. The top will be golden brown when the cooking is complete.
  13. After it has cooled, sprinkle icing sugar over the top. Traditionally there is a stencil of a bunny on the top. To do this just cut a bunny shape from paper and place it on the tart before you sprinkle the sugar. Then gently remove, leaving a golden shape.
  14. Serve warm or cold.
  15. Serve with whipped cream or sweetened marscapone, or lemon curd, or a compote of red fruits.
So ... you could make individual tarts like these.

Extra notes: 

  • It is more traditional to use ground hazelnuts instead of ground almonds.
  • Some people add slivered almonds, or hazelnuts, just before baking.
  • Orange rind can be used instead of lemon.
  • Some cooks add a little vanilla to the filling.

Monday, 9 April 2012

Did you enjoy your Easter?

I wish everyone an enjoyable Easter.

Ukrainian Easter Eggs and Hand EmbroideryWhile most people here go camping for Easter this is not the case worldwide. Some of the traditions, foods, and artefacts are very interesting.

In our house we use a special paper decoration that was sent to our son for his first Easter 32 years ago. What tender thoughts it brings to my mind. A little dusty and frail nowadays, but still used.

Later today I intend baking a Swiss Easter Rice Tart, which is new to me. I have been reminded about the Russian Easter Bread but will not do that particular delicacy. I have given away all my chocolate moulds, but we have some incredibly good handmade chocolate bunnies from Melbourne's Monsieur Truffe.

Many thanks to Mary Corbett for supplying the following information about the Ukrainian tradition of an Easter basket

In Ukrainian embroidery, there are different styles, depending on regional preferences and traditions. Several websites provide free designs, particularly Haftix.

There is also a Ukrainian folk art website with free designs.

Yvette Stanton of Vetty Creations  has published a wonderful book of Ukrainian embroidery that is readily available in Australian libraries and fabric shops.

In the Ukraininan tradition the basket is lined with a special cloth and then filled with foods denied during Lent. These usually include paska (Easter bread), babka (sweet yeast cake), pysanky, krashanky (dyed hard boiled eggs), salt, pepper, butter, cheese, ham, sausage, horseradish, and seeds from poppies and sunflowers. The baskets are filled further with willow branches and fresh flowers before being taken to church and blessed.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Keep Calm and Carry On

All about us we see coffee mugs, posters, notebooks, and magnets with slogans like Keep Calm and Carry On. Silly me! I thought this was the private motto of someone who lives at Buckingham Palace. It's not!! Here is the story.

Friday, 6 April 2012

Good Friday Holiday

This is Good Friday and is a public holiday here. Quite strictly kept. Many thousands of residents have gone on holiday, usually camping, because we have four wonderful days in a row. School holidays next week as well. The weather is fabulous and the great outdoors is still lush and green.

I saw a demonstration taking part in the city this morning as protesters supported the rights of immigration detainees and opposed government procedures. A march through the streets, banners, shouting, Police protection and traffic control.  It seemed a rather unfortunate decision to hold such a demo when there was no-one around to notice, but perhaps this reflects the abilities of the organisers and supporters. I am glad my life is not in their hands.

Today is a day of total relaxation for me. Well, it was after I finished the enormous pile of ironing that appeared out of nowhere. Just doing things I like.

Made a fabulous cake. No, not sharing the recipe as it is a family secret. This is a variation on the Stained Glass Fruitcake. It suits our family very well indeed.

Many delicious morning teas are ahead.

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Gym Daze

I enjoy going to the gym every day. I prefer to do my own thing, and there is a well equipped private gymnasium in our building. No classes. Nor do I work through a DVD. I have not been a regular exerciser over the past year, but as always hope to do better. What a common resolution!
I found this rather funny piece about a middle aged woman rather like myself.

To you ladies who have daughters ........ beware ......... and to the daughters .... be kind ........xoxoxo


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the h*ll would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh*t too.

Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late. It took me that long to tie my shoes. Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny b*tch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the d*mn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh*t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Blokey jokes

I enjoy simple jokes, one liners, and tall tales. Here are some jokes for you today, and I admit that all of them are sexist, politically incorrect, and about humiliation.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.. 
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. 
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.. 
The wind was blowing 50 kph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. 
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. 
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? 
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her some bathroom scales.

And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Centrelink office to apply for a pension. 
 The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence to verify my age. 
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. 
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. 
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Centrelink office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, medium rare, please...."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. 
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started....