Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Doctor! Doctor!




Do you trust your doctor?
Do you trust doctors at all?
Maybe you should think about that.

We have a big hospital here and I have some friends who work there. 
It is difficult to get doctors to come and work in such a remote location, well actually it gets lots worse in the more remote locations. 
Doctors do make mistakes, because they are just people. I hope these literacy mistakes are the worst you will have to endure.


  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
  • She has had no rigours or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
  • Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
  • I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to floor.
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • Discharge status: Alive but without permission
  • The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. XYZ to dispose of him.
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • The patient refused an autopsy.

  • The patient has no past history of suicides.
  • The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 4 kilogram weight gain in the past three years.
  • She slipped on the floor and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
  • The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
  • The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his plane ran out of fuel and crashed.
  • Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • While in the Emergency, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
Keep smiling doc.
  • The skin was moist and dry.
  • Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  • Coming from Tennant Creek, this man has no children.
  • Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the paediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
  • Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  • The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet python, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
  • Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Sydney.
  • Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
  • Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
  • When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


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