Tuesday, 21 August 2012

And that's when the fight started ..............

A friend sent me these jokes. I originally thought I had sent them to her, but maybe not.
Where do they come from? I don't know.
Are they rude? Not exactly. Offensive though.

 
The Unreasonable Mother-in-law 
 
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's when the fight started...

The Unreasonable Wife


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered. 
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...



The Humour-less Wife


I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...
 



 
The Mis-informed Wife


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And that's when the fight started...



The Dangerous Wife

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.  
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. 
Always something more important to me. 
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. 
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. 
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. 
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. 
 I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


 The Lazy Wife

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's when the fight started...






  
The well rounded Wife

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started...
 




The Masochistic Husband 
  
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And that's when the fight started... 






Photos are scrounged from Google images.

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