Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Tutoring

This photo is from the University of Delaware.
I sit beside my student just like this and
we work on exercises that I write myself.
I am tutoring some adult students who want to improve their English. Very pleasant work. My students have all learned English overseas and now are working here. Their English is adequate for daily life but their employers want more.

I have been gathering some jokes that my students can tell and enjoy. These jokes are from many different sources. Some depend on idioms, some on different meanings of the same word. They can be explained to a person who does not understand the meaning.

Jokes are difficult to decode in a foreign language, because it is not just the language; it is about the way of thinking. For example, what is funny to a person from Vietnam is not necessarily funny to a person from Germany because the cultures look at life in different ways. Or imagine trying to understand a pun if you have a limited vocabulary.

Q: What is the longest word in the English language? 
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)
Q: What's the longest word in the dictionary? 
A: Rubber-band -- because it stretches. 

Q: What is the tallest building in our town? 
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)

Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"? 
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow! 

Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself? 
A: Selfish. 

Q: What has four wheels and flies? 
A: A garbage truck.

Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar? 
A: Ouch! 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? 
A: To get to the other side.
Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope? 
A: To get to the other slide! 

Q: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? 
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there. 

Q: What's a teacher's favourite nation? 
A: Expla-nation.

Q: What did the undertaker die of? 
A: Coughin' (coffin)

Q: Do you know where people send a horse when it is sick? 
A: To a horsepital.

Q: What is the difference between a jeweller and a jailer? (Gaoler)
A: A jeweller sells watches. A jailer watches cells. 

Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment? 
A: Tell him I can't see him today. 

Q: What would the pig say when it’s tail was held tight by the farmer who had a sharp knife in his other hand? 
A: "That's the end of me!" 

Q: Ten copycats were sitting in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left? 
A: None. They were all copycats.

Q: Why didn't the farmer cry when his dairy cow fell over the cliff? 
A: There's no use crying over split milk. 

Q: They travel all over the world but end up in the corner, what are they? 
A: Stamps 

Q: What flowers have two lips? 
A: Tulips

Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? 
A. In case he got a hole in one! 

A: What is the difference between a mail box and an elephant? 
B: I don't know. 
A: I'm not going to give you any letters to post then

Q: What does a bee say when it gets home to the hive? 
A: Hi Honey! I'm home! 

1 comment:

  1. Good Morning Louise, I have watched Jamie on Dancin with the Stars. I don't have a favorite so far this season. I enjoyed your blog about tutoring with your jokes. I have enjoyed catching up with you and my other friends here in blog land. Have a wonderful day. Hugs and Prayers from Your Missouri Friend.

    ReplyDelete

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