Monday, 4 November 2013

English language fun

Words are my stock in trade. For years I taught using words. I tutor with words. I am not so clever that I can play Scrabble or do huge crosswords, but I like words.

I found this and thought it might be fun for other people too.

English is an interesting language. If we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

English was developed by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

There is no egg in eggplant, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Breadfuit trees do not produce bread.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

English  has been keeping students busy for years.
The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

You can make amends but not one amend.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

I did not object to the object.

You fill in a form by filling it out.

An alarm goes off by going on.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

Nobody winks while taking forty winks.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. One moose, 2 meese?

When we speak of mouses we always call them mice. Why, when we speak of houses, why don't we say two hice? One index, but two indices.

Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

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