Monday, 3 March 2014

Will my old age have interesting moments too?

Do you remember Pam Ayres? She is a poet and was tremendously popular in the 1970s and 80s. That shows my age! And hers. And in accordance with that age she has written this little piece. Pam writes in a particular style that appeals to those who like ballads and folk music.
This is her web site. http://www.pamayres.com/
This poem is quite English in its humour. But I laughed inside. My knitting group has several old dears like this.

Added 21 March 2014: I have been contacted by John Summers who has told me, and I have been able to confirm, that this poem is not by Pam Ayres, but by him. I found one website with a short sample of his work.  http://www.goodreads.com/group/233-poetry/comments/15354465-john-summers  There was another John Summers from Wales who was a celebrated author, but the two men are different people. I sincerely apologise for attributing the work of John Summers to Pam Ayres. 
Apparently I am not the first person to make this error. Here is a link from a newspaper where the correction is acknowledged.  http://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2013/mar/28/50-shades-pastiche-pam-ayres-el-james  
No matter who wrote it this poem is still very funny.


Fifty Shades of Grey

The missus bought a paperback,
Down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Ethel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Ethel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple of minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!

Now if you knew our Ethel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
And stood on her left tit!

Ethel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

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